LaucherJunge

afraid of romantic relationships

14 posts in this topic

 

After doing the completion process for a few weeks my life has become better than i would have imagined in matter of my emotional well being. I feel like im done with all the visual memories and just the feelings are left so i still practise emotional vipassana every day but i can not find the solution to this one particular problem.
Im really afraid of getting into a relationship well even just asking girls out scares me in a special way without a emotion attached to it. I became really smooth in talking to girls, girls i was too shy to talk to before but im really split on the one hand i want a girlfriend so bad on the other hand im just scared of really being the straight foreward force and getting a relationship into the next level. I just made the experience that girls immediately go into a war with me when i try anything in that direction. My problem at first was just being too fast falling in love but i kinda adapted my other emotions to the strong love emotion and im a very expressing person now in general. Which all the people that are close to me seem to like a lot i can have little flirts without overthinking it like i did before but even manifesting a girlfriend does not do the job for me it seems. 

Please share your perspective or solutions on this :)

Edited by LaucherJunge

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I just found out something really big for me. I pretty much analyzed all the behaviours of me and the girls i fell in love with in the past and also there is a new one which i fancy at the moment. And i also analyzed my feelings at those times.
The conclusion i came to is that its really draining me and i wish someone can help me with that, because i cant figure out how to.
The thing that occured every time is that 1. If somebody had their attention i would feel pain 2. If i would know that i would not see them for a certain amount of time i would also feel that pain.
So i think i seek attention and am also addicted to them just to their presence i dont even need to talk to them.
I just dont understand why i can not get any where when i use the completion process on this, I solved all my other issues so easily with it but this one particular thing is just so hard to solve. I dont even know how to approach it.
This pain is usually just going away if i focus a while on it, no memories come up and i cant really feel completely into it.
Its hard to describe its like this pain is unaccessable to me in any way but i still feel it.

Edited by LaucherJunge
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10 hours ago, LaucherJunge said:

I just found out something really big for me. I pretty much analyzed all the behaviours of me and the girls i fell in love with in the past and also there is a new one which i fancy at the moment. And i also analyzed my feelings at those times.
The conclusion i came to is that its really draining me and i wish someone can help me with that, because i cant figure out how to.
The thing that occured every time is that 1. If somebody had their attention i would feel pain 2. If i would know that i would not see them for a certain amount of time i would also feel that pain.
So i think i seek attention and am also addicted to them just to their presence i dont even need to talk to them.
I just dont understand why i can not get any where when i use the completion process on this, I solved all my other issues so easily with it but this one particular thing is just so hard to solve. I dont even know how to approach it.
This pain is usually just going away if i focus a while on it, no memories come up and i cant really feel completely into it.
Its hard to describe its like this pain is unaccessable to me in any way but i still feel it.

It sounds to me You are describing an abandonment issue

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I understand your pain...I feel it in almost exactly the same way. What Walt said about you being  50% of the relationship is very true. I am still trying to make sense of it as well.

If you don't mind I will share with you my thoughts. Please understand that I am trying to figure this out also. 

I am of the mindset that I must allow myself to walk in my own truth. I must stop searching for love and acceptance from outside sources. I do not require permission or approval from anyone in order to be who I am. As I come into my own, and allow the love that flows from me to apply to me, healthy relationships will spring forth.

I am quite weary of deliberate manifestation... I feel that we should not use such things to sway the hearts of other beings. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that to do so would be forcing our wishes upon another. Let your truth flow. Let another's truth flow back to you in harmony. I get the loneliness.....all too well. It is better though than manifesting false relationships that will end badly as I see it. 

Here...maybe this will help....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YU8oNu3pdS0

 

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 @Veronica Soto@walt
Yes i agree this is probably an unmet need and abandonment issue but i really dont know which one it is and how to work it out in the completion process.
The first thing it could be is the insecure attachement to my mother in my childhood i was living alone with her and she was a very unstable person but its so many years together with her i already worked on all the significant memories i can remember and still i have this feeling of pain again for this new girl i met.
The other thing is that i did not really have a father he used to get drunk and once he assaulted my mother while i was hiding under the table as a child already solved this one and it felt good but how do i manage to solve missing a father in my whole childhood..

@Perpetual Student
You are right and i already am so far that i have this love for myself and it felt really good for a time i also did not have those feelings of pain talking to this particular girl but now about 2 weeks later it seems like i just gave in and need her all of the sudden and this time she actually feels like a soul mate we wrote about being authentic and i made her a compliment that i like this about her we understand each other pretty well, I mean there is not even a reason for me to feel pain because its going well but i do feel it.
Thats the problem im afraid this relationship will have no chance because this feeling started again.
My selflove is still stronger and i think the pain does not radiate to the outside yet but im not sure if it will stay like that for long.
And for the manifestation i did not manifest a particular person i just tried manifesting a girlfriend with a few attributes that i like and this was after i already met her actually.

Edited by LaucherJunge

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I am going to reflect myself on what you said and why I would feel that way...

 It is going well, there is much love of self and the other person. There is still an underlying fear that she will see something about me she doesn't like and will leave. This would definitely tie into abandonment from the past. There is good reason for my unreasonable fear. Trust....what a tough thing to do.....

 If I may go on a tangent...The truth of ourselves is multi-faceted. Fear is our protector. Fear is a manifestation of our self love. I happened to look at your profile while trying to figure out how to directly respond to you in the forum thread. I saw the first part of your reply to the "Marijuana and Spirituality" thread. What you said there applies to many things in this world. "It is helpful at a lower vibration. At a higher vibration, it brings you down." (please forgive that I did not quote it exactly) Anyway, your fear is trying to protect you from repeating the same pain that got you in the past. It will shut you down and cut you off if you let it. I know....believe me...I know! I decided one day to take the reigns off. I tell people who I am. Especially those I wish to share my life with. I tell them of my fear, of my mistakes, my confusion and damn near everything else. I am making a decision to trust. 

 As I share the aspects of myself with others, I discover more about myself and often times the other person. The hope, joy, love, pain, fear, anger etc... are all part of your truth. Share your truth with her. If she is a match, she will support you and love you. If she cannot resonate with you in truth, well...better to know now than to suffer all of the pain that will inevitably come from a relationship founded in partial truth. Truth be told, you ARE afraid! It takes courage and character to say that. Anyone worth their salt will recognize and respect it!

 I love music. I use it often to share inspiration and hope. When I feel compelled to share songs or quotes or whatever, I do. I feel compelled to share a song with you. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4_lBT1OG_Y

And I JUST found this one! .... Same artist...felt compelled to share this one too. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le34ygtODfI

 

Edited by Perpetual Student
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@Perpetual Student
It kinda hit me you are right thats a point i was not really aware of there is definitely things about me... I doubt sometimes that a girl like her could ever be with someone like me, and i dont actually mean this in a not self loving way, rather I see the difference between people who are standing completely in society and dont see the space out here where we are that there is an other way of living that material things are not as important as many people think.
There is actually still many things about me that im afraid of showing to someone who is not like we are. But dont get me wrong im very authentic just that there was no way or no necessity yet to show some parts of me.
Thanks good music :)

This song here is amazing it is actually able to bring out exactly that pain on the surface so i can try working on it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L98UOMbgqVs

 

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love doesn't involve possession, nor hunting. that's emotional hunger. 

while focusing on getting attention from a girl, you ignore yourself. and the world reflects that back at you.

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On 18.9.2016 at 10:33 AM, mufhry said:

love doesn't involve possession, nor hunting. that's emotional hunger. 

while focusing on getting attention from a girl, you ignore yourself. and the world reflects that back at you.

I thought some time about this and i came to the conclusion that you are completely right and this is exactly my solution not only for the pain but also it is the reason why im still alone. 
Its always going well with girls for me in the beginning but then when i start to focus more on her than on myself i become unattractive which afterwards leads to even more pain because the attention they were giving me before when i did not need it is now becoming less due to them not being attracted to me.

I thank you a lot :)

Edit: The shift literally came immediately after i was aware of this i was really not only filtering out myself i was also filtering out the beauty of everything else. The focus on this one person took literally everything else without me noticing it, if i only knew this like 10 years ago. 

Edited by LaucherJunge

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On 9/16/2016 at 5:31 PM, LaucherJunge said:

I just found out something really big for me. I pretty much analyzed all the behaviours of me and the girls i fell in love with in the past and also there is a new one which i fancy at the moment. And i also analyzed my feelings at those times.
The conclusion i came to is that its really draining me and i wish someone can help me with that, because i cant figure out how to.
The thing that occured every time is that 1. If somebody had their attention i would feel pain 2. If i would know that i would not see them for a certain amount of time i would also feel that pain.
So i think i seek attention and am also addicted to them just to their presence i dont even need to talk to them.

Hi, that's exactly what I experience too! I was actually thinking about this very thing. With this current person I feel attracted to: 1. I feel pain when he's giving attention to somebody else (it feels like jealousy in my case) and 2. if I would know I would not see them for a while i would feel pain (abandonment).

I was thinking that either way this situation comes from like you guys said an insecure attachment with parent/s.

If it feels like jealousy : you might had to compete with someone in the family to gain attention (love) when you were little.

If they both feel like abandonment: you might have had a trauma around similar situations so you feel that old pain again. Because fear starts from a memory and it projects itself into the future.

Hope it helps anyway.

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35 minutes ago, ste92k said:

Hi, that's exactly what I experience too! I was actually thinking about this very thing. With this current person I feel attracted to: 1. I feel pain when he's giving attention to somebody else (it feels like jealousy in my case) and 2. if I would know I would not see them for a while i would feel pain (abandonment).

I was thinking that either way this situation comes from like you guys said an insecure attachment with parent/s.

If it feels like jealousy : you might had to compete with someone in the family to gain attention (love) when you were little.

If they both feel like abandonment: you might have had a trauma around similar situations so you feel that old pain again. Because fear starts from a memory and it projects itself into the future.

Hope it helps anyway.

I actually already managed to solve it with the completion process i just had to trust the memory that appeard i did not trust it at first i think because it made no sense to be responsible for this. I just saw a house that i knew from my childhood in the memory when i asked "when was the first time i felt this lovesickness" and I immediately knew what happened there.
There was this girl well she was somewhat my girlfriend as far as you are aware of things like that at such a young age (not sure what age it was). So this girl played with me and she has gone into that house to play with her other friend who was also a girl but that other girl wanted me to get out of this house.. thats basically it i guess i felt abandoned and betrayed. What happened again and again was this wierd connection to the best friends of the girls I had a crush on  like i could not trust their friends that was exactly what it was about and i even manifested that their best friends lead to me disconnecting with them.
Now its really no big deal she could talk about her on/off boyfriend in front of me and well i would be kinda jealous cause i still think she is hot but its really not painful at all and i dont feel like compelled to be with her i can let her go and never see her again without a problem.
Also interesting i seem to always fall in love with girls who have those on/off relationships.. 

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On 17 September 2016 at 5:50 PM, LaucherJunge said:

@Perpetual Student
It kinda hit me you are right thats a point i was not really aware of there is definitely things about me... I doubt sometimes that a girl like her could ever be with someone like me, and i dont actually mean this in a not self loving way, rather I see the difference between people who are standing completely in society and dont see the space out here where we are that there is an other way of living that material things are not as important as many people think.
There is actually still many things about me that im afraid of showing to someone who is not like we are. But dont get me wrong im very authentic just that there was no way or no necessity yet to show some parts of me.
Thanks good music :)

This song here is amazing it is actually able to bring out exactly that pain on the surface so i can try working on it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L98UOMbgqVs

 

 

On 18 September 2016 at 9:33 AM, mufhry said:

love doesn't involve possession, nor hunting. that's emotional hunger. 

while focusing on getting attention from a girl, you ignore yourself. and the world reflects that back at you.

 

On 26 September 2016 at 9:18 PM, LaucherJunge said:

I actually already managed to solve it with the completion process i just had to trust the memory that appeard i did not trust it at first i think because it made no sense to be responsible for this. I just saw a house that i knew from my childhood in the memory when i asked "when was the first time i felt this lovesickness" and I immediately knew what happened there.
There was this girl well she was somewhat my girlfriend as far as you are aware of things like that at such a young age (not sure what age it was). So this girl played with me and she has gone into that house to play with her other friend who was also a girl but that other girl wanted me to get out of this house.. thats basically it i guess i felt abandoned and betrayed. What happened again and again was this wierd connection to the best friends of the girls I had a crush on  like i could not trust their friends that was exactly what it was about and i even manifested that their best friends lead to me disconnecting with them.
Now its really no big deal she could talk about her on/off boyfriend in front of me and well i would be kinda jealous cause i still think she is hot but its really not painful at all and i dont feel like compelled to be with her i can let her go and never see her again without a problem.
Also interesting i seem to always fall in love with girls who have those on/off relationships.. 

Same here. However for me it's at a level that I am actively blocking myself and my masculinity. 

I discovered that after a recent reiki session and subsequent conversation with the healer. 

 

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