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M_The_Raven

We all need to love ourselves. So some people ignore the shadow

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We all need to love ourselves. So some people ignore the shadow

I do.   

I had in past times.   Avoided my own shadow.  Afraid to expose my naked and shame felt truths inside.   I will.  I have and I don't need to air it out here.  But if I felt I could trust that I'm safe.   I would tell all.  

But somethings should stay secrets between individuals.   We have to keep certain things ourself.   Secrets we share.  With no one else.  Or those of us who conquer the shadow.  I'm not sure I believe it yet.  No one can be fully naked all the time always.   

But you can try with one person or naught.  

And that makes you say.   Omg it's hard to love myself in the darkest shadow side of my wicked soul.   It's not pure evil.  It's filled with all my arrested development in pure inglorious ways. 

How do you learn to love yourself after it's been exposed to you?

being able to do that is worth love enough. 

Map it.   Keep it close.   Or let it out.  Shout ur truth and make it hurt.   Because you wish it wasn't true.  And you can't here. It's incorrect medium for that my Ally or foe. 

I don't need a foe.   But I will challenge.  And I will lose good sport.  

And there's some ash to rise from whenever you go one magic step closer to truly naked. With yourself.  And love comes in the backdoor. 

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Yes.  I'm stale.   Imperfect.  I hate the things I'm ashamed to admit.    But I have admitted them.  To myself and will own it.  

 I just don't advertise it.    Because why should I?   

But believe me.   I have come to believe I'm worth so much more than I ever gave myself in the past.   Or was allowing myself to believe.   And you know what?

that hurts to admit. Fuck I want to put up my claws and scratch anyone that reads that comment.   Because I'm uncomfortably naked for a second.  But there's more.  I won't go or share.   Not today.  Not here. But I have confronted.  And I will own.  In private.  And some.  I'm certainly uniquely proud to own publicly despite it all.   And in a way. If I can get to the end of my life on earth and look back and feel as if I remained my own person.  For worse and punishment or ridicule or loss.  I'm proud.  And the day I was accepted I never saw myself as a success more so than the day I was myself naked with a thousand arrows in me. I was myself.  For worse.  And that was success Bc it was early.        

I accepted myself.  --- the world had no choice but to deal with it.   And they did with welcome and warmth.  And I lived that way from that pivot.   And. I felt more successful the day I was me without approval or the world's acceptence.  .  . ?

?

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love comes through the backdoor. Sneaks up.  And is a solution.   The more beautiful we are now. 

Lets make  galaxy soup  and watch the moon glean off the Mint water.  the beach Sprite.   gleans and we star gaze

you're so loved.   ???  Goodnight. 

If you are lost.  You're really close to being found and tonight you know that more truthfully than most other nights.    Incomparable. 

You wont be mistaken.  All that was writ when the earth was new and all that never shall change is that one bide ---- change.  Linear.   And it's not backwards ---

rooster wakes the sleepy world.   With a crow.   And so this too shall take form.   From one to another.   Another and so on.  As it was meant to be from the start of our odyssey. 

Edited by M_The_Raven
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I know exactly this.  Power.   My power.   For worse and better.   

I made the right choices!  

I thought I was wrong my whole life.   But I wasn't.   

I made every choice right to be here.  Right now.    In this state of mind.   To meet all I'm preparing to meet and to learn from all the past I was there to learn from.   So I could be here.  Today 

 knowing what I know.   Right here.   No fear.  

No fear. No fear. No fear.  No fear.    I know exactly what I'm worth.  

throw me.   Push me. Pull me.  

Never more grateful.    Loyal like fault --- I never vow without a sacred writ.   It's got merit. No friction.  Slid for a mile on it.   

Never will vow cheap.   Throw  curve . Run ellipses 

aim.   It's  few precious and divine.  All we promised in an arrow shot that had not poison tip.  It was full of mana.  The cup of life.  From the source where the sky guardians drank from.   The valkerie.   The winged horses -- yep.   It's as it's supposed to be 

can't you tell?   It was meant to be. 

Edited by M_The_Raven
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I think people don't want to embrace the shadow, because we might turn evil.

I used to be such a nice, positive, smiley person that never hurt anyone. One day I saw a 'Pandit' a wise man, he was visiting my in laws home and he read my palms. Expecting to be told about how great and good I was as a person, instead he looked up at me and said 'So much anger'. I remember immediately feeling a boil of hatred rise inside me, as I snatched my hand away from him. LOL. I was so in denial about having any sort of shadow and so obsessed with being GOOD.  I met Teal on Youtube, feel in love with her teachings and have been diving deep ever since.

 

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1 hour ago, nuia said:

I think people don't want to embrace the shadow, because we might turn evil.

 

I think they're afraid to see their own evil or darkness.    How would they be able to love themselves moving forward?  After knowing..  you know..

They're afraid.    I'm afraid!  
 How will they move forward without the false self -  the false self is out there validating them.   They're hiding away burying that Unobserved authentic self in the darkness.  for necessity.  

She stands on one leg, in a yoga pose.      Whispers quietly to herself

“I’m only lovable if people like me.” “I’m only worthwhile if busy doing things.”  or "If I'm projecting whatever TV and ad salesmen tell you is ok to be! and not ok to be!"

and I do the same   Just in a different way

i tell myself     Nope    

But in my soul   Certain things eat away at me    If I totally immerse myself in darkness   I feel really low  

I'm often afraid to explore my shadow   

I don't like what's in there   

 

Edited by M_The_Raven
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I'm in the shadow.   I'm not as strong as I project.   I've got vulnerable spots.   But I won't allow anyone to control me with them.   No buttons anyone can push that'll make me do what I want or not. 

But there are emotions.  

I have those.   They swirl around.   And I know the shadow side of me.  I don't like the shadow side of me.   But I must accept and integrate and forgive.  

I have flaws.  

I deal with all the usual things.  Same as you 

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I like the shadow, and I don't mind feeling all emotions on the spectrum, its life, but when I have to show 1 side, like happy and everything is okay, that's what I don't like. and you learn a lot from the shadow. I'm still learning about myself, I don't think that ever stops, you could be living a lie for 10 years and think something is wrong with you for not being like everyone else, it could be someone being gay, or transgender, intersex and the only model you are working with is the norm, straight, gay, male, female, and that's it. no it goes deeper, humans are complex and vary like crazy. it could be a mental thing like anxiety or just extreme hate for being in a body you don't like, its all in the spectrum. the thought "what's wrong with me" makes me angry and sad just to have someone ask that because the world evolves way too fucking slow and isn't aware other people are other aspects of you and the human spectrum. self love is hard when you don't fit the standard and get reminded of that from the outside. that was on my mind lol.

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On 9/13/2016 at 7:17 PM, Alex7 said:

I like the shadow, and I don't mind feeling all emotions on the spectrum, its life, but when I have to show 1 side, like happy and everything is okay, that's what I don't like. and you learn a lot from the shadow. I'm still learning about myself, I don't think that ever stops, you could be living a lie for 10 years and think something is wrong with you for not being like everyone else, it could be someone being gay, or transgender, intersex and the only model you are working with is the norm, straight, gay, male, female, and that's it. no it goes deeper, humans are complex and vary like crazy. it could be a mental thing like anxiety or just extreme hate for being in a body you don't like, its all in the spectrum. the thought "what's wrong with me" makes me angry and sad just to have someone ask that because the world evolves way too fucking slow and isn't aware other people are other aspects of you and the human spectrum. self love is hard when you don't fit the standard and get reminded of that from the outside. that was on my mind lol.

That place you've come to is honorable. 

Youve accepted yourself.  Flaws. Mistakes.  Past is prologue.  The future is your making. The present is great.   

Moments of "stop for a sec.  reflect" come about with me.  

I usually view them as negative.  Because they can consume full days.    Like a full day of thinking and pondering the darkness. It could be 3 days.   

Yikes.  Terror. 

4th day.   I'm snapped out the shadow.  

Why do I view that so negatively?    I guess cause it's not a normalized standard. 

When we go to school.  We learn to do a certain kind of work.  Or learn certain things.  

Ironically.  We never lever to live.   Why life matters.   What matters.   How to feel.  Why is it even important?

emotion is behind everything epic and great.   Emotion is behind every mediocre.  Emotion is behind everything truly sinsister. 

Emotion is behind a lot.  

And we take it for granted.    I go into the shadow.   I find myself in there. 

And im spellbound for 3 days.

 

4th day.  I'm meeting some pretty woman I like.  And hanging out with friends.  Drinking sake.   Eating sushi.   Being myself. Enjoying the simple. Things   Like just chilling   Accepting myself    Accepting others  conventions matter less

So.  I sat around.  Thinking of Bob Dylan.  

Once upon you threw the bum a dime.  Etc

didnt you?   

And he was right.   But I've gone the gamut. I've been the bum. The dime. The patron. And the redeemer.    

So.  I never laugh about everyone that was hanging out or talk so proud. 

At the same time. I don't know.   I sometimes feel caught in a Gulf Stream of energy.  Not mine. Like the current. 

Edited by M_The_Raven
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On 9/13/2016 at 7:17 PM, Alex7 said:

I like the shadow, and I don't mind feeling all emotions on the spectrum, its life, but when I have to show 1 side, like happy and everything is okay, that's what I don't like. and you learn a lot from the shadow. I'm still learning about myself, I don't think that ever stops, you could be living a lie for 10 years and think something is wrong with you for not being like everyone else, it could be someone being gay, or transgender, intersex and the only model you are working with is the norm, straight, gay, male, female, and that's it. no it goes deeper, humans are complex and vary like crazy. it could be a mental thing like anxiety or just extreme hate for being in a body you don't like, its all in the spectrum. the thought "what's wrong with me" makes me angry and sad just to have someone ask that because the world evolves way too fucking slow and isn't aware other people are other aspects of you and the human spectrum. self love is hard when you don't fit the standard and get reminded of that from the outside. that was on my mind lol.

Our dreams. 

Our visions. 

Our emotions are so aligned with awesome.    And I know we'all be these amazing stewards of our future and if at all conscious on our generational level is somewhat more or less nuanced.  But the shift of visions to come.  

The not needing approval.  

The no need for a rite of passage.  

You weren't granted one.   I just took mine.   No one allowed me one.    They said u can't pass. And I did anyway. 

This is our story.  A generation.   Let's continuously be authentic with ourselves and others as gut check to necessary 

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