Wanting to want myself

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Wanting to want myself

Hi guys! My question is related to my biggest struggle in life.. this is not about the usual 'other people don't want me', it's that I don't WANT myself. What should I do with it and do you guys think the completion process would work for it? Does someone relate to this? To explain it further: I have lived most of my life in my imagination and I feel the reality of how I really am is crushing me ( at some point I couldn't wait to come to bed to escape in my dreams.. which usually involved a different me), I used to lie a lot (especially to myself, until i finally believed my own lies), I struggle with lack of identity ( everytime I try to get near the reality od how I am, I get immensely pulled back), I feel a deep separation between how I am and how I want to be(and the 2 aspects don't even want to look at each other).. which is especially tormenting because there are lots of stuff in the department of 'looks' that I get triggered to see! I think that's it. Thanks in advance!

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