ann-marie

memory recall

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memory recall

ive read the completion process and listened to many videos by teal and i would dearly love to benefit from it.  i have literally no memory recall though and its causing me great anxiety about not being able to benefit from this process.  i feel like i am only half living my life and dont know how to shift that, i dont work, i tried to set up my own business but couldnt cope.  i have 4 children, the youngest is 5.  ive had trauma as a child, i have had flashbacks to feeling sheer white terror when ive done the completion process but no memory linked to it.  my brother who i was always very influenced by, estranged himself from the family 14 years ago, he hates our mother as he claims she abused us.  im confused as i do not have the same feelings of hatred, i have had my struggles with my mum but not to the same extent  as my brother.  when my brother was on the scene he would say things like do you remember when mum did this or that to us.  i would believe i did remember, but am confused what was his memories and what truly were mine.  as a result i have shockingly very few memories of childhood, young adulthood even and my memory recall as i said at the beginning is very poor and im worried this will impact this practise.  any advise please......

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22 minutes ago, ann-marie said:

i have literally no memory recall though and its causing me great anxiety about not being able to benefit from this process.

Another member asked a very similar question on another forum. I have heard Teal explain multiple times that many people experience the same difficulty.  Some of the people I assisted also had the same challenge.  

Here are some suggestions for you to consider:

1.  Please note that memories often do not come as a visual (like a movie on your mind's screen) especially if the root trauma occurred when you are a small baby.  For me, my memories came up as just feelings, with no visuals.  So, trust whatever comes up as valid; don't question.  If it came up, it's valid. The analogy that works for me is let it flow into your consciousness like water.

Feeling that sheer white terror is a memory.  Embrace it and sink into it.  Let it pull you back to the memory. You could also work with the anxiety you feel over not being able to benefit from the process.

2.  If completely nothing comes up, you may have been socialized to believe that it's NOT okay to feel that particular emotion that is triggering. So the backdoor that Teal discovered (and it works great for me) is asking:  "When was the first time I was told that it is NOT okay to feel this emotion?"  Work with that first.  Once you have resolved the socialization, you will likely gain access to the underlying root trauma for the emotion that is currently triggering you.

3.  If what you feel is numbness or something else (e.g., sleepiness) that is covering over the memory, Teal suggests that you sink into whatever is covering over your memory and apply CP to whatever that is.  This is like melting the ice to get access to the deep pool of emotion underneath.

Hopefully the above gives you ways to overcome your challenges.  I send you lots of love and support for your journey to become whole again. 
 

Edited by Amazawa
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I dont like to talk about things I dont have experience with personally, and I have always had some memory of my childhood, so my situation is not exactly like yours. I think I can maybe have good insight anyway.

Ok, so as a young person, age 3-4 (maybe earlier, I hope not) I experienced trauma, brutal and bad. I was not believed, and I began what I learned is called partitioning the mind. I took that experience that I was not allowed to have had, and I stored the memory in a "box", somewhere in my body for safe keeping until I could deal with this. I became better at this over time, until huge chunks of my childhood were safely packaged away. I do NOT recommend this, it was a coping mechanism and it has not been fun undoing the process.

I remember forgetting, sitting on my bed in my new bedroom when my mom and I moved to Oregon, and crying silently forgetting. I dont think I have uncovered everything forgotten at that time. And I kept forgetting, storing trauma in my body. I ended up being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia at age 18, after nearly a decade of suicidal depression, fatigue, chronic migraines and "causeless" body pain. Then I had a kid, and got married, not in that order. My husband ended up not being authentic with me before we were married, and I married a man who added yet more trauma I was unable to deal with.

but a person can only take so much before they literally cannot hold any more pain and the time came to reveal and heal those old memories. But when I started I was alone, no teal, no anything. Her book helps so much. so do her vibration paintings. I dont know how your memory is stored in you, maybe I will someday develop that skill, but I can tell you that they are there. Fractured and from the perspective of the child you were, but there. When you are ready to recover them, you will. Starting with what you Do remember helps, the sheer white terror is an obvious choice, but a memory you are unsure of might also work. understanding why we doubt our memory can help us recover other memories we doubted away.

if you are really unable to connect with yourself, perhaps your environment is not safe. do you still live with your mother? if so then changing your reality of her would make living with her difficult. Our minds try so hard not to overwhelm us.

so be prepared, as you face your pain, it will hurt. but you survived once, and you can do this. pain is not a thing to be avoided, it is merely a tool in which physical bodies learn lessons.

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49 minutes ago, greyswan said:

so be prepared, as you face your pain, it will hurt. but you survived once, and you can do this. pain is not a thing to be avoided, it is merely a tool in which physical bodies learn lessons.

That you for your post, greyswan!  So much wisdom and love expressed!  I was deeply moved and enlightened.

What you said about a safe environment is so important!  Lately, I have noticed that for some I am assisting, we had to stop at creating a safe space (step 1).  That was all they could do for the moment. And, learning to feel safe again was already massively healing for them.  I have also been experimenting on myself: allowing myself to spend lots of time in my own safe space interacting with my safe supporting figures.  I have my primary Safe Support Figure and two secondary ones.  I LOVE to hang out with them, exploring my safe place, getting trained by them in physical and energy arts, cooking, laughing, loving, and just embracing life!  It's amazing how powerfully this shifts my energy and my core vibration up the emotional scale. My current major trigger has dulled greatly; others have disappeared.  I just feel so much more at peace with myself!

@ann-marie, as I write this, it occurs to me that perhaps you could try do this too.  Please consider just spending time in your safe space for a while.  There is no hurry.  Your soul wants to heal; it will guide you to what is needed at the right time.  Perhaps this is the time to learn to feel safe first? 

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