lightworker

Highly Recommend This Process, My Experience :)

7 posts in this topic

Highly Recommend This Process, My Experience :)

My first experience with the completion process was in May of this year, when I watched Teal's Healing The Emotional Body video.  I did the process and discovered and integrated aspects of myself I didn't realize were even missing and it was really amazing, the past few months since then have been months of enlightenment and healing and realization and growth, and I completely blame it on the process.

Since my success after the first time I tried it, the next time I was seriously emotionally triggered, I chose to dedicate a day to the process and try to dive deeper into the trigger. The first time I did it, I could not complete the process because the emotion of grief I discovered was so strong, I had never really encountered anything like it before without disassociating and it blew me away with its intensity. I ended up falling asleep. The next day, I woke up and went into the process again. I found the grief, in the form of myself - locked away in a dark, stone room with no windows or doors. She was cowering in the corner and did not want me to look at her, so I sat down in a chair facing away from her and was simply present with her for a while. I felt that she was made of up grief, anger, she felt invisible, ugly, unwanted, unloved, she was very, very hateful. She also did not trust me, at all, and refused to let me see from her perspective. I tried to just be with her, but she grew more and more uncomfortable with my presence and she blew up at me, telling me she didn't trust me, and so I chose that lack of trust in myself to explore instead, as it was blocking me from feeling her pain completely.

In that lack of trust, I found a familiar numbness. I could not really feel my lack of trust in myself. I chose to explore the numbness, and found myself in a tepid lake, almost like an isolation tank, but looking up at a vivid starry sky. I could feel nothing of my body in that lake, but I could sense that I was numbing myself to the intensity of the colorful 'universe' around me. My thought in that moment was that it hurt so much to feel. Instantly, I was in my mothers' womb, about to be born into the world. I had a traumatic birth, which was very painful for my mother, and I was picking up on those very intense emotions as she was laboring. I could not handle it. I did not like the intensity of the emotions and I separated from myself. It was too much to feel all of that so suddenly and so strongly. I fractured from myself in the womb as I was being born, and I abandoned myself while I was still inside of my mother, and in that moment, I betrayed myself and lost trust in myself. In the moment of realizing that and empathizing with myself as an infant, I experienced my birth and I picked myself up and just held myself and the integration process was complete.

I did not expect myself to integrate so quickly, but it seemed that the only thing the child wanted was for me to empathize with it and to apologize for abandoning it. I woke up from the process literally buzzing, with full on Alice In Wonderland Syndrome, my body was vibrating with energy. It was one of the coolest, most interesting experiences I've ever felt, it was not scary at all, it was very comforting. I felt like I was a kid again, I felt so at peace. Colors were brighter and more vivid and I looked around me and felt like I was seeing everything for the first time.

I have tried to go back to the girl in the stone room, but she wouldn't even let me into the room. I made a window to see in and she turned into a monster and became full of rage and hatred and vengeance. It seems like that part of me is not at all ready for me to integrate with it, and that there is a lot of anger there. I'm still learning how to do this process, but I've had nothing but amazing, incredible experiences with it since I tried it :)

Also, the day after I completed the process, I confronted the source of my trigger personally. I learned that he is a narcissist, and that he has been reflecting in me feelings of hatred, ugliness, self-loathing, feeling ignored and invisible and unwanted and unloved. I trusted myself enough to know that I could handle confronting him, and not only did I survive the confrontation, I let him go completely to the point where he no longer has any control over me emotionally and cannot use me for Narcissistic Supply any longer. It was only an act of self love and complete self trust that could have made me confront this aspect of my life that has been tormenting me for 4 years, and I completely credit the completion process for that :)

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This is so incredibly beautiful. I'm so happy u integrated those aspects of yourself and found peace with it. This experience has allowed me feel instance to be patient with myself as if I ever come across a part of me that is angry (my parents never let me be angry) I will have to be patient and loving towards it. Thank you so much for sharing , so wonderful to hear stories like this

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This is an enormous help to me personally because the entire experience points out that not every aspect of ourselves will simply jump into our arms and go quietly into the night.  There can indeed be resistance, which is super validating because I experience a LOT of it.  It tells me nothing is "wrong" that this resistance is there.  Keep revisiting the issue when I feel so inclined and move forward everywhere else that I can.  And be patient.  I've had so many years of handling so many issues with anger that I just don't want to do it anymore - so finding that patience is not very challenging at this point.  Thank you for posting this ... one person's experiences really can (and do) benefit others, whether they say so directly or not.

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I'm glad you all found it helpful! I love reading others experiences and find them helpful too.

I got to integrate another trigger today, which was really cool, this one was about feeling rejected and unwanted and unheard...

I had a really intense, like INTENSE panic attack about losing my social group (a side effect of the trigger from the first post) and I couldn't breathe or anything, I felt completely powerless, went into the completion process and within 15 minutes I unburied a deeply repressed memory of me when I was a young, young child, walking over to two girls playing in a sand box. They threw sand at me and told me to go away and called me a big baby when I started crying, I was so upset and shocked, I had no idea what I had done to deserve their rejection. I remember their moms apologizing to my mom and making them say sorry to me, but it wasn't enough. In the memory, I got all of my feelings of hurt and shock and betrayal out and let them know how upset I was with how mean to me they were. I then sent them away to a place where they were going to learn how to be nice to people and play fair with people and not be so mean! And then I made myself a new friend, and we built a house and had a tea party together and both of us got to be the pretty wife (I never got to be the pretty wife when I played house, I was always the husband lmao) and we had a really nice time. After that, I went into a more recent memory, not repressed, about being in 3rd grade on the playground. A group of girls that I wanted to be friends with decided they did not want to be my friend and were whispering to each other about me in front of me and ultimately left me on the playground all by myself, which really hurt me a lot. I changed the memory so that I walked away from the girls who were talking about me, and went to go and make my own friends, because I don't need friends like that.

It was really nice, and I honestly feel so much better. The playground rejection from 3rd grade really messed me up and I knew it wasn't the first time it had happened, because I was socially insecure before then and I could just tell that there was something missing. The intensity of the panic attack wouldn't let me not integrate today, especially with all of the processing I have been doing these past few days. It's been really intense. 

I also got to soothe some anger afterwards, so maybe the girl in the room will open up to me soon :) idk we'll see.

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Love your posts, lightworker!  Thank you for sharing your experiences.  I too find them very helpful and encouraging since I am on a similar journey to transform my dysfunctional relationships with myself and with others.

When I read about your angry girl in the room, I get this feeling that she doesn't want to be "fixed" or "integrated," she just wants to be unconditionally accepted. I may be projecting my own stuff, but please do consider what Teal shared about the aspect of us that just wants unconditional approval vs. the other aspect that wants solutions.  You may remember she discussed this in her video on The Healing Trap.  

I look forward to reading more about your amazing journey toward becoming whole.

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I went into the completion process this morning because I couldn't sleep and I was triggered by an event that happened yesterday. The event stirred up in me feelings of disgust, violation and distress and I had violated my own boundaries by letting someone violate mine. As I went deeper into the trigger, I began to feel as if the emotion was physically gagging me, and I started retching and choking and I felt terrible, like I would rather die than go deeper into the feeling. I know that I am coming into a repressed memory. The feelings that I was feeling were so visceral and disturbing and very, very hard to feel, I felt a very deep sense of shame. I felt most strongly the sensation in my throat, of not being able to say anything, I felt a clenching in my chest, like someone was squeezing my heart, I felt a yanking in my sacral chakra that felt like powerlessness, like my power was being stripped away from me, and I felt very strongly a sense of violation in my groin area. I know from my mother that I was sexually abused as a child once and I feel like I was entering that memory. It was the first time I've ever gone into the feeling of being violated willingly, and I came across a very strong sense of doubt in myself that the memory was even real, which I now think is a defense mechanism of my conscious so I won't try to go into the memory again.

I've never willingly gone into something like this, and I physically started gagging like I was about to vomit, and the doubt in the reality of the memory was so strong that I stopped the process, but I feel like I went into something really significant.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

Edited by lightworker
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@lightworker, you are spot on in the way you interpreted your experience.  For this type of trauma, a feeling of safety and being protected is very important.  This is most easily achieved by the presence of someone you trust while you go through CP.  

In one of my recent CP sessions, I also felt choked physically to the point of not being able to breath.  As I allowed that, I did access a childhood memory and the choking dissipated.

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