Hope_vZ

Please help!

4 posts in this topic

I recently found your video series on Youtube and was really excited to learn so much and find so much hope and comfort. I too had a very neglected, abusive (sexual, mental, physical and emotional) and torturous childhood, by my own family members who all claimed to be very religious, and I am gradually learning to grow and heal and live without fear. I have, however, ran into a situation that is quite perplexing and frustrating.  My husband has never been loving or supportive and I always felt alone but now even more after he saw your video about apathy and realised that he fits into that "type" perfectly and yet has decided that he "does not want to change". We have spoken a lot and he is adamant that he does not know what he is missing and therefore he doesn't need to change anything. I have come a long way in my progress, but I cannot live alone yet, I cannot be the sole provider for my daughter's emotional and other needs yet, I cannot be a martyr either, I am not good at staying in a job or place or situation where I am not comfortable. I still have a lot of healing to do and a lot to learn. Could you please help me? I feel extremely overwhelmed!

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I have to add too, that I am really, really struggling to get an anything from my shadow work. I can feel a kind of tension building up in me, but cannot explain, express or even reach it...

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I am sure Teal will have much deeper insight. 

However let me say it sounds like you have come so far and it is okay to not want to live alone and be the sole support of your young daughter. It is very difficult to live with someone who is emotionally distant! Know that his emotional distance in no way a reflection on you at all it is his and his alone. Although having your husband support you and join you in your spiritual development would be fabulous, if he is not thwarting you on your spiritual journey this is awesome in and of itself. Perhaps actively look for others to fill the spiritual support role in your life? As long as he is not physically or mentally abusive and is only mentally 'absent' in your life perhaps trying to let go of your 'need' to have your husband be something other than what he is and love yourself and your daughter. 

As for the shadow work, I often also find it is very difficult to know if I have made any progress. I  would love to have someone to share my experiences with and to discuss my progress with and to help me understand it. I purchased Teals book Shadows before Dawn and have been slowly working through many of the process in it and would love to discuss it others who are working through these processes as well. 

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Thank you so much @CherieJ that is exactly what i needed to hear! I would be honored to be your friend and to share the processes and up's and down's with you if you would like... It sounds like a match if you ask me, hehe. 

:x:D

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