Peter Colaric

Trouble with my CP

7 posts in this topic

I have a bit of a question. I have trouble with my CP. I can get to the feeling (most recent memory), but once I go into the memory I keep on losing myself. A lot of it has to do with some  kind of a block that I have, that can pull me out of the current emotion. This used to be defence strategy, because of our weird household, I'd have to make myself seem emotionless. Right now it feels like a handicap. Does anyone have experience with that  particular defence mechanism, and how should I go about disabling it.  

Also, there's this feeling like there's something big underneath. Like my whole body is reacting. But then it vanishes, and I'm back at square one. This isn't the first time I've tried. I've tried integrating this part before, but I can't do it. The main feeling has something to do with: "The world is unsafe.". And all of the reactions I keep having are reactions to the dialog I'm having with this aspect. This is also the first time, where I'm not getting anything visual. There's a feeling, but it keeps vanishing. I'm not really sure I can get to the experience part. Or maybe the experience part that I have is just the feeling. It's kind of difficult to move forward. It's getting a bit frustrating.

Can anyone make any suggestions? Is my attitude maybe not right? 

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It sounds like you are disassociating from the emotion. Try following the disassociation and ask yourself if you truly think it's safe and ok to feel what you are feeling, and if not, why not.

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I heard that if you feel like your being pulled out of the emotion your mind is pulling you out, try acknowledging your fears and validate your mind then cut imaginary wires between you and your mind and remember to do it with kindness.

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Hey guys,

thank you for the responses. I wrote this, and then I didn't get notified of the responses so I forgot about it. just remembered a month early. Thanks for the responses, both of you :D.

With this particular trauma, I went to a workshop, that Angelica Horvatic (She's a certified CPP) was doing in Ljubljana, and we got into groups of 2, where we did CP on each other. I ended up working with a woman (who is a therapst herself), and we went into this exact trauma. It was somewhat sex related. When I was still a baby I was being mistreated by the kindergarden teacher....somehow all of that translated into my fear of being touched (especially by women). The reason I could not get into it was because, this is such a taboo for me (sex). It has been for a long time, and having her there really helped me past those particular parts more easily. It was a really strong session. And also, I was getting very little visual information, but there were a lot of feelings everywhere, so having her there helped me confirm my own feelings at times (she's a total empath).  

 

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Recently I resolved the last issues I had , I was a victim of a pedophile at aged 3. This memory was deeply buried. I did not follow any set method such as CP but instead worked from within. The main reason for this is I live somewhat isolated from others and had no choice but to go it alone. My revelations came to me in the shower with no visualizations and just a very clear and detailed memory of the incident and how much it blew up when family caught him. No wonder it was all suppressed deep down. It was very traumatic but not to recall. Instead I finally found peace. Hope that can help.

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Thank you for sharing Craig. I'm sorry that you had to go through that at such a young age. 

It helps to know that there are others out there. That I can talk to about these things, and be heard. And also, that the subconscious mind has a way of helping to heal from anything you might have gone through. 

Thank you 

 

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On 10/12/2016 at 6:06 AM, benwest123 said:

And also, that the subconscious mind has a way of helping to heal from anything you might have gone through. 

Yes, our Being is always wanting to heal and moving us in that direction.  As @lightworker mentioned, we can cooperate by getting to a safe space where we are not in fight or flight mode. 

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