KatieHarmony

Life Purpose and Core Negative Imprint

19 posts in this topic

Would anyone enjoy talking about life purpose and/or your core negative imprint? This is one of the most exhilarating topics for me, I think, to hear Teal talk about, and to think about myself. Long before the bulk of my spiritual journey I still always believed in a personal purpose, and lately things have seemed to be getting so much clearer and it is really exciting. 

I would love to hear about what you feel your life purpose is, or how you came to that conclusion; whether it was by way of discovering your core negative imprint. 

I have felt intuitively that my core negative imprint is being misunderstood, and on the flip side of that, I find the most joy when I am seeking to reconcile myself with others despite differences, to understand people and see their best selves, and ultimately find and create harmony with others. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 minutes ago, KatieHarmony said:

Would anyone enjoy talking about life purpose and/or your core negative imprint?

I'd love to! I'm nervous that I'm posting too much on the site but... I love all these convos so much. I've been waiting to talk about all these subjects for so long. :) I live for writing my soul, and it's like... I just... woke that part of me back up. Gently, but still. <3 

1 hour ago, KatieHarmony said:

I have felt intuitively that my core negative imprint is being misunderstood, and on the flip side of that, I find the most joy when I am seeking to reconcile myself with others despite differences, to understand people and see their best selves, and ultimately find and create harmony with others. 

That's an amazing life purpose, and something I've struggled with. I kept encountering shadow aspects in others that looked like disapproval, dismissal, condescension, and rejection. Ironically, I know damn well that's because I haven't reconciled or lowered the boom with my sister, and my father's significant other. (lolz. Just saw 4:44PM on my Mac clock. Bingo.) I spent a lot of my life being the 'make everybody happy at my own expense, martyr-in-waiting' person, and that shadow aspect of the kindness it had started as, a willingness to help just kept getting darker, and darker with every oddly out of place comment or disagreement of any kind. The comments would trigger me so badly, I would freeze and feel like a painting on the wall, or an object in the room. One nobody liked, and that would be stared at, heads cocked, hug-withholding hands ready to remove the vulgar thing and throw it in the basement without a second glance. 

A friend recommended Teal after I'd told her I'd driven for 3 hours in the rain trying to figure out which voice was mine, and which was that of my different family members; I had exhausted my internal dialogue, seeking out 'self vs.not-self.' I realized that when I was apart from them, I could feel clearly, and have a concept of self. It was a sickening revelation that their thoughts and feelings about me were hijacking my thoughts about me. Talk about a rude awakening as an empath. But when my friend mentioned Teal, the 'rescue flare' was seen, and I had immediately run towards it, lol. 

At first, I was sure my core negative imprint was 'forsaken' since that was always the feeling I was torn apart by the most at the end of my most significant relationships. But, then... I realized it was actually 'isolation.' This immediately ushered in (and it's really why I joined the community, hoping to find this) 'connection.' I've longed for connection my entire life. At first it was like, 'Naw, that's too obvious,' but you know... I'm okay with obvious right now. 

I've been sifting and sifting through so many shadow aspects of myself in this regard that I've been afraid to face before. Like the egoistic sensation of being so desperate for understanding, resorting to manipulation tactics seems reasonable. My younger self (and not too much younger, really) was at wit's end for friendship, for love, for recognition, for self-worth, it was like living with a dying child inside of me. I couldn't stand to face her. I had failed her. I could barely look in the mirror because my face would look warped. Having used 'The Connection Process' to clear a ton of those layers, I was finally able to feel like it wasn't an abyss or an undead army of me looking back at me for answers or blood. I could face that I was manipulative and a chameleon because of being so unloved in my early childhood for being myself. Now, just that quickly, I'm connecting and getting that hit of genuine reciprocal energy back. It's like breathing new air for the first time. It's now obvious to me that 'connection' had been my purpose the whole time. 

I cried so hard, I got eye strain last night, not in relief but because I was so afraid that in seeking out connection (I used Teal's method of asking 'what would that mean,' or 'why would that be so bad?' to get to this conclusion), I was being two-faced. Manipulative. I was afraid of coming across like a know-it-all. (and why would that be so bad?) 'Because then people won't like me.' (And...?) 'Because then I'll be alone, and I'll have to watch people with their friends forever, and be invisible.' (And...?) 'Because I'm a liar.' When I got to the word 'liar,'  I just could not stop sobbing. I've had to be so many people in one person to please my family and drag love out of them, at a certain point, I just started lying about my personal life to spite them. To throw them off my trail. Create a shadow self that could absorb all their hatred. Be a scapegoat. (That ego layer despised me. We got through it, but it took ages.) If I couldn't be myself, I would be the 'no one' I saw reflected back when they focused upon me. I felt so amazing after practicing being with those emotions, understanding why I had exhibited that behavior all those years, to keep from being shunned (which I was anyway, so f*** being inauthentic, what's the point?). I practiced connection with the self. And the little girl that I was - who had copied answers off her best friend's math test to keep from being yelled at by her father, and had been ratted out by her teacher and her mother to him... was liberated. The cheater was absolved.

I hate to say it - I don't watch horror movies any more, I'm not in the same vibration - but there's a scene in The Ring (SPOILERS) where the lead pulls Samara out of the well, and she's 'free.' That's the image I kept getting. Like I had thrown myself down a well, and had just been waiting for me to come find me, the awful cheater that my father had never forgiven for being desperate for his approval, to the point that she'd lift answers off of another little girl's math paper. 

I feel like I chain a lot of Teal's practices together as they suit me intuitively, and that works for me, but man. At the end of one of my personal 1:1 sessions with myself, I feel like I'm clear and transparent to the core.

I've discovered recently that I seem to be a kind of 'subconscious' and 'frequency' empath (most of us are to varying degrees really), and directly feel the shadow aspects in people now. I can help shift people's ego walls with permission (again, anyone can, they may just not want to). Seeing people's shadows is scary. Not quite what I was expecting in my 30's, but I did tell the Universe that I was up for anything. 

Omg, I love talking about this topic!

  • Upvote 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me, and it's kind of hard to put into words, it's like a feeling of being seen as something that is inherently dark or troublesome, but at the same time knowing that I'm innocent so there's a torment to that. So like this sense of desperately wishing to undo something I didn't do in the first place so I would be worthy of nourishment, something like that. There's also a lot of resentment attached to it.

It actually made a lot more sense to me one afternoon in regards to my core imprint. I'd already kind of looked at and labelled it emotionally, but I was thinking about my mum. My family had moved to turkey just after a war and had to leave their families and a lot of stuff behind. No money, had to live with a friend, and that was the environment I was born in. Soon they would move to Australia where I'd grow up and mum would leave her family almost forever to live in a country where she didn't know anyone or know the language. I realized that when I was born I must have been seen as like this huge burden on top of an already awful situation so maybe as a baby I felt as though there was something wrong with me.

I feel that my life purpose (and again a bit hard to put into words) is something like living completely through the sense of worthy being and giving, or bringing light through expression and authenticity. Basically to be who I am without reserve or pretension and through that offer light/value to others. 

nice thread :) 

 

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I love your response @Stephanie Wintermute - I have really liked reading your posts and responses so far on the forum. Connection is so important, I love it I love it.  I like you am excited to connect with people and talk about these things, since Teal isn't known in my regular social sphere, so I don't get the chance to talk about a lot of this. :) 

49 minutes ago, Stephanie Wintermute said:

I feel like I chain a lot of Teal's practices together as they suit me intuitively, and that works for me, but man. At the end of one of my personal 1:1 sessions with myself, I feel like I'm clear and transparent to the core.

It sounds like you are diving deep and naturally apply things as you see them necessary through your intuition - so cool to hear. I do the same thing -- I kind of pick and choose processes and internal work ideas from Teal's stuff, and from other sources based on whatever I feel I need most at any given time. I love that others do this and I love that you are willing to dig deep within yourself. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@boxofrain is it kind of the feeling of being "falsely accused"? Like the feeling of being framed for something you didn't do?

This resonates with me, because it sounds like a kind of cousin to being misunderstood - people see you one way when you really know you are not that at all, and in fact you are something much better and have so much to offer.

44 minutes ago, boxofrain said:

I feel that my life purpose (and again a bit hard to put into words) is something like living completely through the sense of worthy being and giving, or bringing light through expression and authenticity. Basically to be who I am without reserve or pretension and through that offer light/value to others. 

I again resonate so strongly with that - being able to be who I am without reserve or pretense and offer light and value to others. I think what I fear most is being misunderstood and that leading to people falsely demonizing me or assuming I am something terrible when in fact I simply want to live true to myself and bring about the most good I can in this world. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, KatieHarmony said:

I have really liked reading your posts and responses so far on the forum. Connection is so important, I love it I love it.  I like you am excited to connect with people and talk about these things, since Teal isn't known in my regular social sphere, so I don't get the chance to talk about a lot of this. :) 

Good morning! (It's 6AM here in Baltimore, anyway). That's awesome! It feels so good to be able to write it out, and get heartfelt responses. I live for it. I absolutely feel like a big translucent puzzle piece has just been popped into place. It makes me want to laugh out loud. Literally. Not this internet term business, lol. *pauses* Oh, snap. 

11 hours ago, KatieHarmony said:

t sounds like you are diving deep and naturally apply things as you see them necessary through your intuition - so cool to hear. I do the same thing -- I kind of pick and choose processes and internal work ideas from Teal's stuff, and from other sources based on whatever I feel I need most at any given time. I love that others do this and I love that you are willing to dig deep within yourself. 

I've always been a natural deep diver. It actually started when I would see a story on television, and kind of empathically superimpose my own personality over the different characters to see from their perspective. In a kind of epiphany-wow moment, when I experienced Source perspective for what I thought was the first time, it actually felt exactly the same in practice as that natural inclination. I would do the same thing with people. I didn't really have the understanding that I was always tapping into Source perspective. I feel that resonance again now. When I would read books, I would want to know the characters' minds through the author. I was bottomless when it came to the thirst for perspective. Now, I use that so much in my own writing, it's like direct connect to the Universe. I'm so grateful for it, I can't begin to humble myself enough to thank the Universe for this entire experience. What a life!

I actually thought of you and this post when I first awakened this morning (around 3AM. I couldn't sleep, so I laid in meditation for a while, practicing my daily gratitude). 

I actually got the very specific answer that my life purpose is even deeper than connection, though I desire that in all things. It's unconditional presence. 'Presence' is the actual life purpose. Presence for myself. Presence for those around me. Presence for those here on this forum, in this community, no matter what the topic or the question. Presence. When I was like 'No, Universe really?' as I rested in a deep meditative state, in the dimness of my room, I immediately heard the Cream song 'Presence of the Lord' in my head, thus confirming my hunch. The Universe consistently gives me synchronicity leads using the songs that pop into my head, since it knows I respond well, and quickly to those cues. 

So, I had to follow up with you on this discussion, and thank you again for this thread. It's wonderful. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@boxofrain It sounds like you've experienced a suffering that you most certainly didn't deserve. :( I know it's an ache that must ring through everything.

12 hours ago, boxofrain said:

I feel that my life purpose (and again a bit hard to put into words) is something like living completely through the sense of worthy being and giving, or bringing light through expression and authenticity. Basically to be who I am without reserve or pretension and through that offer light/value to others. 

The 'Blame' and 'Redemption' cycle that some are forced through, through no fault of their own really pulls my heart to those who experience it. You're obviously sharp and very discerning in regards to what others say, and are not afraid to comment when something's not quite right, but there's still a warmth to the dialogue. The words I used are just example words, and everyone has their own to resonate with, but growing up feeling like a burden must have been awful. A lot of us have had a bitter taste of that dynamic. 

Really glad you're on this forum, I'm sure we'll all have even more incredible discussions, and continue to shine a light. :) 

P.S., I'm obviously really digging this thread too. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Stephanie Wintermute, thanks so much for what you shared... i had to giggle a little because as you explain how you could never stop feeling into other perspectives, like the authors's of book-characters and movie-characters and other people, that IS actually the deeper level of connection, unconditional presence, and you found it! :)

 

Id love to write about my Core Imprints and Life Purpose, but when i made a list after watching that video, the list is so long and i just cant seem to pinpoint exactly what it is... would someone care to help me figure it out?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, KatieHarmony said:

@boxofrain is it kind of the feeling of being "falsely accused"? Like the feeling of being framed for something you didn't do

Yeah kinda like that. Like when someone says you're lying about something, and despite your honesty, they press on that you're lying. Sounds like we do share some of those themes. 

 

56 minutes ago, Stephanie Wintermute said:

@boxofrain It sounds like you've experienced a suffering that you most certainly didn't deserve. :( I know it's an ache that must ring through everything.

The 'Blame' and 'Redemption' cycle that some are forced through, through no fault of their own really pulls my heart to those who experience it. You're obviously sharp and very discerning in regards to what others say, and are not afraid to comment when something's not quite right, but there's still a warmth to the dialogue. The words I used are just example words, and everyone has their own to resonate with, but growing up feeling like a burden must have been awful. A lot of us have had a bitter taste of that dynamic. 

Really glad you're on this forum, I'm sure we'll all have even more incredible discussions, and continue to shine a light. :) 

P.S., I'm obviously really digging this thread too. 

ahh you're kind. I'm glad you're here too :) 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Lilia said:

@Stephanie Wintermute, thanks so much for what you shared... i had to giggle a little because as you explain how you could never stop feeling into other perspectives, like the authors's of book-characters and movie-characters and other people, that IS actually the deeper level of connection, unconditional presence, and you found it! :)

You're welcome! Thanks for reading, as well. :) That's a really cool way to perceive that, I just viewed it as more of a desperation move until really coming into my own as a writer, lol. It made me feel less alone as I was growing up with little to no social or outside contact during my formative years. :( 

 

2 hours ago, Lilia said:

Id love to write about my Core Imprints and Life Purpose, but when i made a list after watching that video, the list is so long and i just cant seem to pinpoint exactly what it is... would someone care to help me figure it out?

I sure love to try to help! I had to really search my soul about mine. It took over a year to really get what I knew was the 'right' answer, and this was after catching one of Teal's full workshops on YouTube. I want to say it was Orlando, actually, where she was helping a young lady at the very end of the workshop locate her negative imprint. I thought I would try again, and the word 'isolation' just hit me - this was after finally being able to reintegrate an aspect of my infant self that was essentially locked in an incubator after being born several months premature to a mother with severe PTSD and postpartum depression, as well as severe !!!!! qualities, and a god complex. Childhood was fun. Not gonna lie. (totes lying >:(.)

For me, it was literally playing the game of 'connect the dots' (lolz connection pun) with every last horrible end of relationship trauma I had ever experienced. I went through each and every last specific 'death throe' moment in all of them, even if it was just a projected loss, and the relationships continued after the shock. This did add additional layers of trauma, and confusion, so I just had to be patient and sit in multiple self sessions, repeatedly, until I had examined them all to exhaustion. Again, this wasn't the point where I discovered the imprint, I had to let the information settle for a while. But, if you're feeling up to it, or you hit a trigger, you can use that 'energy signature' as a little trail of breadcrumbs to piece the clues together. 

The negative imprint is kind of important because the polar opposite is your life purpose, and to discover what's wanted, you have  to know what's deeply unwanted, almost to the point of unbearable discomfort, sometimes. Without the discomfort, the desire for its opposite vibration would remain hidden, or at least painfully vague. You're really looking for a trend in all the worst severed relationships, then that lightbulb moment when you look up words that are its exact mirror opposite. 

Believe me, after sifting through the pain, it feels like icing an atrophied limb to look at words that represent what the absence of that suffering would be, and feel like. And that's when it's most likely you'll feel the little 'lock pop' moment of 'THAT word. That's it.'  

Hope this helped, feel free to kick around ideas with me. I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of it eventually with additional notes from the Tribe. ^_^

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
58 minutes ago, Danny said:

I watched teal's "negative imprint" video and my feeling were of  continual "isolation" from life.

I have contacted Steve Clews UK (ex-military) a "completion process" practitioner to hopefully get a better understanding of where I am at in life, I sincerely wish that for all of you too, it was really helpful to read your comments regarding the subject, thank you.

Hi Danny! Welcome. 

I recognize 'isolation' as my negative imprint, and once coming to that understanding, and really coming to terms with how I'd systematically shut myself and my joys in life down like it was my full-time job, I began being able to heal in earnest. It's awesome you're reaching out to a practitioner who has military experience (that's really intuitive and smart on your part - I had a grandfather who was in a tank battalion in WWII, so I know it helps to have a sympathetic ear after serving). 

I'm looking forward to reading about your progress if you feel like posting here ever. Always happy to discuss healing in this community. 

Have a great day. :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Stephanie Wintermute said:

You're welcome! Thanks for reading, as well. :) That's a really cool way to perceive that, I just viewed it as more of a desperation move until really coming into my own as a writer, lol. It made me feel less alone as I was growing up with little to no social or outside contact during my formative years. :( 

 

I sure love to try to help! I had to really search my soul about mine. It took over a year to really get what I knew was the 'right' answer, and this was after catching one of Teal's full workshops on YouTube. I want to say it was Orlando, actually, where she was helping a young lady at the very end of the workshop locate her negative imprint. I thought I would try again, and the word 'isolation' just hit me - this was after finally being able to reintegrate an aspect of my infant self that was essentially locked in an incubator after being born several months premature to a mother with severe PTSD and postpartum depression, as well as severe !!!!! qualities, and a god complex. Childhood was fun. Not gonna lie. (totes lying >:(.)

For me, it was literally playing the game of 'connect the dots' (lolz connection pun) with every last horrible end of relationship trauma I had ever experienced. I went through each and every last specific 'death throe' moment in all of them, even if it was just a projected loss, and the relationships continued after the shock. This did add additional layers of trauma, and confusion, so I just had to be patient and sit in multiple self sessions, repeatedly, until I had examined them all to exhaustion. Again, this wasn't the point where I discovered the imprint, I had to let the information settle for a while. But, if you're feeling up to it, or you hit a trigger, you can use that 'energy signature' as a little trail of breadcrumbs to piece the clues together. 

The negative imprint is kind of important because the polar opposite is your life purpose, and to discover what's wanted, you have  to know what's deeply unwanted, almost to the point of unbearable discomfort, sometimes. Without the discomfort, the desire for its opposite vibration would remain hidden, or at least painfully vague. You're really looking for a trend in all the worst severed relationships, then that lightbulb moment when you look up words that are its exact mirror opposite. 

Believe me, after sifting through the pain, it feels like icing an atrophied limb to look at words that represent what the absence of that suffering would be, and feel like. And that's when it's most likely you'll feel the little 'lock pop' moment of 'THAT word. That's it.'  

Hope this helped, feel free to kick around ideas with me. I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of it eventually with additional notes from the Tribe. ^_^

Thank you, your answer really is helpful to me :) well my childhood had around the same amount of fun i guess, i am right now in a process of  integrating the birth experience, one step at a time, i havent come to the incubator-part yet (been born 3 months premature too), so isolation is definitely on the list too... i just can think of so many other trauma i went through and every one left different imprints. but what you wrote reminded me, that i dont have to do and know it all at once, yes it would feel nice kind of to know my life's purpose clearly, but as you say, it will be revealed when all the puzzle-pieces come together :) right now its still a little vague, and i guess i was confused because the romantic and friendship-relationships i had that ended, arent that obviously pointing all in the same direction. 

i really like the idea that with diving deep and connecting one dot at a time i will crystallize out a purpose without forcing the process!

thanks :) you are wonderful!

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Lilia said:

Thank you, your answer really is helpful to me :) well my childhood had around the same amount of fun i guess, i am right now in a process of  integrating the birth experience, one step at a time, i havent come to the incubator-part yet (been born 3 months premature too), so isolation is definitely on the list too... i just can think of so many other trauma i went through and every one left different imprints. but what you wrote reminded me, that i dont have to do and know it all at once, yes it would feel nice kind of to know my life's purpose clearly, but as you say, it will be revealed when all the puzzle-pieces come together :) right now its still a little vague, and i guess i was confused because the romantic and friendship-relationships i had that ended, arent that obviously pointing all in the same direction. 

i really like the idea that with diving deep and connecting one dot at a time i will crystallize out a purpose without forcing the process!

thanks :) you are wonderful!

Aw, thank you! I'm so glad my answer helped you. :) I have no doubt that you don't need to rush it. In fact, it's so much more rewarding when you don't try. I've come so far in such a relatively short amount of time, I feel like I've gotten an entire lifetime back as a reward, with so much more to look forward to. It's also so satisfying to gradually integrate the deeper parts as the smaller triggers get explored. I feel like I'm a hero unto myself now, no past version of me left behind. They will all be rescued at the correct moment, and I've experienced this first hand. It's truly beautiful, and that's why I love Teal so much. I know she must have to absorb a lot of hatred, at least from what I've read in her blog, but her methods and incredible way of phrasing things, structuring things has helped me save all of my abandoned children lost and trapped inside my mind's eye, and my truly awful earlier life. The army of me is very grateful, lol. ;) 

Ugh, this morning, I hit a 'small' trigger about having a beverage I enjoyed. My roommate doesn't agree with my lifestyle of putting my own happiness first, before everything else. Literally. He reminds me of my mother right now, in his utter downward spiral, declining self-care, and ultimate attachment to his poverty. He just can't get past how much he doesn't have, and has started to attempt to put me down to make himself feel better. It continues to happen in very low doses, with lower consciousness souls, and it triggers the living hell out of me. I'll be a diplomatic couch surfer before I let one more living person tell me how to live my life. However... that being said... The Universe was like, 'ahem. Down in front, Smalls.' 

I triggered to 'oh, I shouldn't have this, if he knew, he'd have something else to use as ammo against me.' Which isn't really even on the grid of something that matters realistically, I was in my room. But I went back to explore why I didn't think I could have something I enjoyed when I had done something 'wrong' in another person's eyes. What I found was so sad. I was being constantly moved back into a chair after doing something my mother didn't like. When I kept thinking she was playing a game with me (I had to have been like 2), she put me in my crib, took all the toys and fun things out of it, and left me there, letting my environment and her absence discipline me. It was odd because in first person perspective, I could see the toys piled outside the crib, where I couldn't reach them, and I was just confused. I sat, and listened to birds singing outside. I was just... confused. This wasn't a fun game any more. And then I was lonely. Isolated (my negative imprint). And then I realized something was wrong. I didn't know what, but something had changed. I had been laughing and having fun, then moved to the crib and punished for it. It stuck.

I was relieved to reintegrate that little girl, and my primary guide, MILLS was there with me to scoop her up, and make her feel loved. Seen. Let her play with his sleek patterned tie with her little waving hands, lol. I live for these moments now. And when the reintegration happens more often, it's like a collective glow of joy from all the other parts (at least for me) that have already been liberated. It's like a Rapture of one. 

The weirdest things on earth will trigger you to your full freedom of joy.  

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It was fun to read everyone's responses here - you guys are a great group of people. :)  It is nice to be in a community of people who are interested in discovering a life purpose and who feel drawn to lift and help others. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now