Kikipocodot

I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere

8 posts in this topic

This post will be all over the place. I don't feel like I should have to wait for happiness but I still can't seem to get there. I also feel bad that I'm still in the "spirituality 101" phase, it makes me feel like a lesser person compared to everyone else. But I shouldn't feel bad about it. I misinterpret Teal's lessons and I don't fully understand everything. I also have this huge attachment to her teachings and other spiritual guru's teachings because I feel like if I don't follow them and follow them properly, then I won't be happy. I want to let go of this. But I tried and it didn't work. My fear says I need people to help me, but I don't want to feel that need because I know it's unhealthy for me to fully depend on that. I know no one can help me better than I can help myself, but I don't like dealing with the pain. I deal with it for an amount of time and still see no improvement or progress so I stop trying and go back to suppressing that negative feeling, stop being independent and look for help outside of me. That is the problem. And that's what I'm doing here, trying to get help from others even though I know it won't solve my problems. But it's hard facing my problems especially when they don't blow over as quickly as I want them to. You don't have to help me, but I guess it is good to put this out there.

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I think, this is the phase of learning. We always wont get it right the first time...and this is the hardest of any practice. Just dont give up. Keep on doing it. We can not become master unless we practice it...especially in difficult situations. And you may only need one person to think on your problems. Forget about the process...but what exactly are the problems? Could you please specify? Attachement to the process/guru wont help here...sorting out our problems and clearing out our traumas will certainly help us. 

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@Amit  Well the other day I had the revelation of my obsession over control. This can only really be fueled by fear. For example, I thought about how I was afraid to lose my attachment to help from spiritual gurus because I was afraid that that would be the wrong choice. I feel like I need them. Without them, I can't grow and learn and be happy. What if I lose attachment to Teal (no hate towards her of course) and then see that others are progressing and forming beautiful lives and I'm not? And what if, without following her, my spiritual path mirrors how she described it would happen (spirituality 101 to 2.0 to 3.0) and I realize that she is right? Well that means I have to follow her. Now while looking at what I'm saying, I know this is kind of a radical, and maybe an irrational way of thinking. This is the honest display of how my fear affects my thinking.

So I tried to make myself let go of this fear. But obviously that's a contradiction because that's just me trying to control how everything happens, and that usual doesn't get me anywhere. I think I need to figure out why I'm feeling this way. I guess that's the hard part. Then I would have to show myself that I don't have to think that way. It's difficult and it stressful to go through this. I genuinely want to do things right. But it just doesn't work out the way I want it to.

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Defining our current problem and looking for solution is the way i think. Many people are not able to form great and happy lives but they are learning...new experiences and new learning. At your or mine current situation we may not need spirituality 101. We may find where we stuck at if we explore deep enough. We really dont need attachment to processes or gurus but the good analysis of feelings and then the suitable solution. We just need to have different tools that she has offered at different times throughout our new adventures or new experiences. Control puts pressure on us...so instead be water and be flexible. Just look at river...how it flows, takes turbs and meets sea. Follow your own guidance and light. 

Whats the obstacle for you to form a happy life? Have u researched enough? 

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I think I may have figured something out and it's something I've needed to address within myself for a while. Thank you for your encouragement, it gave me a little push to continue through my fear and you've helped me. I'll add to this thread if I need to talk it out more. Thank you @Amit

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Okay...all the best and come back with whatever news you have. You happy...i am happy and then world is happy too. Thanks to you too for sharing 

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I think everyone is dealing with their own problems I guess because we are supposed to evolve and expand on a individual level, that's the game. I don't have a top teacher or guru, but I do love their perspectives and teal is one of those perspectives I like and her information is pretty accurate even with the filter of language. also the universe will force you to evolve, for your own good, weather that's from a illness, get fired, whatever, you asked for it on some level. and its good to look at other perspectives, we are co creating. its fine for people to help you too. Also when you hold the pain in it will eventually come out and you cant hold it in, it will blow like a volcano, let any emotion pop up and just accept it and be with it and that's self love, just to be with it and not say stop feeling that, just feel it all. it might last 2 days, just feel it. Everyone is dealing with internal shit, everyone.

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12 hours ago, Kikipocodot said:

This post will be all over the place. I don't feel like I should have to wait for happiness but I still can't seem to get there. I also feel bad that I'm still in the "spirituality 101" phase, it makes me feel like a lesser person compared to everyone else. But I shouldn't feel bad about it. I misinterpret Teal's lessons and I don't fully understand everything. I also have this huge attachment to her teachings and other spiritual guru's teachings because I feel like if I don't follow them and follow them properly, then I won't be happy. I want to let go of this. But I tried and it didn't work. My fear says I need people to help me, but I don't want to feel that need because I know it's unhealthy for me to fully depend on that. I know no one can help me better than I can help myself, but I don't like dealing with the pain. I deal with it for an amount of time and still see no improvement or progress so I stop trying and go back to suppressing that negative feeling, stop being independent and look for help outside of me. That is the problem. And that's what I'm doing here, trying to get help from others even though I know it won't solve my problems. But it's hard facing my problems especially when they don't blow over as quickly as I want them to. You don't have to help me, but I guess it is good to put this out there.

Join the club... We all feel defeated by life, we can't seem to find happiness, and we use spirituality as a shelter. It is our promise to happiness. 
You feel bad about being in the spirituality 101 phase? Well, it never should have been named as a phase, or a level in the first place. But it was named that way for the sake of our understanding. 
I see spirituality 101 as keeping a deliberate focus. That's it. I'm "in" spitiruality 2.0 but I use them interchangibly. 101 is needed. It isn't a beginner practice. It is useful. So don't feel bad about it. See it as a skill you're learning, and always will use in your life. It doesn't mean you're less than those who do shadow work. It means, 101 is the right tool to be applying to your situation right now.
Honestly, you're doing the right thing in my opinion. If you don't see any improvement in feeling, and you don't feel like staying in the feeling; then you're honoring yourself. Because you're suppressing Consciously. And it is majorly different than suppressing unconsciously; since there is awareness involved. So I think this is a self loving choice you're making :)
Just keep doing what feels a little bit better. Don't chase happiness. It's a moving finish line, in your case. Chase what feels just a little better.

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