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Healing from genital mutilation/forced circumcision

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Hello Teal, or to anyone who can help. For years I have struggled with my healing process in regards to my past. I was circumcised as a child against my will for no medical reason and it was a severely traumatizing event. I've had intruding thoughts and PTSD like symptoms for nearly a decade now about genital cutting and I feel like I'm a slave to these intrusive thoughts and emotions. I don't know how to heal and integrate this experience and to move on into the future as a complete and whole person. I have profound emotions of shame, disgust, fear, betrayal and feel completely disrespected, defiled, violated and disgusting. I don't know how to help myself, when I try and do shadow work I feel like an anxiety attack will happen. I've also had anxiety related seizures in the past as well and it's one of the most painful experiences I've ever had in my life and don't want to trigger one by reliving or reexperiencing the sexual abuse I went through. Do you have any recommendations on how to heal from something so profound, and also having to deal with the triggers of seeing the scars everyday in the most intimate part of my body?  I feel stuck and hopeless in this regard. To anyone that reads this post,  please be aware of the psychological and emotional trauma non consensual  circumcision causes. For your children's sake, whether they are boys or girls or intersex children, leave their genitals alone, please don't circumcise! Even if they are "too young to remember".  And to anyone else that may have a similar experience to mine, if you are comfortable sharing and opening up,  I'd love to communicate with you about your coping and healing methods and to hear what has helped you. Thank you.

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