AbsoluteWave

Just a recent story of mine.

4 posts in this topic

Well it goes a little like this:  Only a few weeks ago, I fell pretty ill to a particular sort of flu and during this time, after my boyfriend helped treat me.  i hit a spell of wellness and thought it was gone.  But it was indeed one of those " I'm good.  nope..  I'm good now, nope.."  kinda thing but back to the wellness.. the heaviness on my crown was absolutely gone and I didn't feel the weight of my brain at all.  it was literally like I was living inside a lucid dream.  There wasn't this demand of focus to stay in this reality let's say.. It was almost as if this is what other people feel like or I was seriously in a time of utter blissfully contentment. it only lasted like 20 minutes or longer but damn.. I haven't felt that good in.. from what i recall to be ever..

So what my real question here is, what even happened there and what should I have done with such freedom?  I mean.. I get this idea that i could have used that to merge with my higher self and just basically tapdance toward everything in life.  y'know?   I'm super ware of thinsg.. specially my body, so which is why I bother to post such a question. 

I know this is my first forum thread and all but I hope somebody can answer this.
 

I just wish to understand things a bit clearer since i'm so jam-packed full of info but hardly know what to do with all of it.  ( which is why I jump from one topic to the other sometimes.  again, sorry for that. )  many of them being my own channeling of information!  And many of them almost tell me through intuition to honestly just get up and go.. But there is another aware side of me that see's alot being available at a certain time so I'm just sort of sitting here.  But neat thing is during this time period, my BF is becoming even more open to things where he'd almost only seem to be entertaining me but even then I feel he is heartfelt and realizes how different and in his words " special and unique" I am.  I REALLY do rely on other people in this sense since it's valuable to listen to your mirrors who can lots of the time tell you alot about yourself.  which is why I enjoy more the words and lives of others different than my own!

Man, endless events of being treated like a cook and I always end up feeling like I am one! 
I also don't know what it means when I ever start to voice my own ideas and such that I'm almost envisioning myself on a talk-show or something and then getting the idea that I'm self centered or something negative like that but I guess that could be my modest radar going off the charts.. or something.. Anyho.. about the crown thing... I've been looking up recently again and found out alot about what that constant pressure is but some avenues say it will go away over time but I've had it for so many years... and some say it's dangerous to have your third eye open all the time... Well.. It's like I was born with it open, or rather it grows wider as I grow older.  Strange... but hear me out. Lol.


Sorry again.. I do alot of inner reflecting and info about me:  I have a constant internal monologue going on in my head.. is that equivalent to having the conversation with your inner child/voice?  cause then I could say that I've had this since I was little as well.. god.. sounds like I'm bragging but I'm not making this up.. I've always tired to find ways to describe all that " weirdness" that goes on in my body/mind/spirit/soul, etc.. Such as the whole sensory thing with smells to memory, smells to colors, smells to emotion, and so many other sorts of things and interchangeably too!

I LIVE with this so i can hardly be a practitioner of something when for me it's like I'm watching myself and everything around me evolving all at the same time.. x.x It's kind of crack pot crazy but here me out.. I'm speaking from lala land once again~ but again, thanks for hearing me out!

( I'll add to things and so on if I feel it's necessary! )
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This may have been said already but I feel so UN-human.  Perhaps all of this is just that I'm a star-seed in denial.  But I totally accept being in this life, experiencing what I am experiencing.  But I see how great star-seeds are and I don't seem to reflect that.. at least not outwardly..   I'm trying not to sound like I am beating myself up but I have done so for many years of my young life, even up until my 20s ( turning 23)  I mean... Shouldn't somebody my age actually have a life?  The image of youth is quite the adventurous one..

I mean many old people wish they could be young again.  To be able to do said thing and they are usually the people who support you the most.. Who here has had grandparents that simply showed that life is worth living.  both through positive or rather sad nature?   I unfortunately hardly knew my grandmother and specially not the one on my mothers side.  My family life was both vibrant but at the same time stunted.. mainly on my part.. I wish I could be just delusional on this subject like general population.. which tends to fade away because of how untrue it all is.. then they just get along.... As for me, I'm still facing the same old problems with my family.  some things are subtle that just well up inside of me and I become that boy with absolutely no potential and would have anger fits and so on, going through the same old routines of life.


Luckily I didn't allow myself to be indoctrinated by the JW society.. it did allow me some freedom, but at the same time, my school life and so on was where alot of weirdness and yet wonderful things happened in that space of time.. I keep being called back to such places and want to walk through the entire premises...  And my mother even at the time of being quite heavily JW-poisoned.. still celebrated my birthday to some degree.  The day before or the day after my birthday.. Doesn't that already make her an apostate in these kind of peoples eyes?  specially from what things I am still growing to learn more about..  If they knew about it that is. 

I love my family very much but wish all that energy was put into understanding me and encouraging me in the ways I needed the most.. But then there are things that make me want to " hate" them.. bu that never lasts because of how much I truly love them.. And of course then I feel like such a bad person for even thinking such negative things about said people I love or worse even, have said or done to..  But being an autistic with aspergers since practically birth.. 

mixed in with my entire life up until now must really say something.. I've been experiencing contradictions my entire life, in a world that doesn't seem to care.. at least until this century we are lucky to be existing in.  Reminds me of what Arcturus Ra's friend, Kirk, had said. 

That the ancient people had moved us out of the old paradigm as it were.. Even while being a firm believer in all of this.. there is some resistance in me going on.. even though I watch all sort of things on youtube and so on... perhaps I'm just feeling the resistance of somebody else because I for one and ready for this..


even for example... the prophesies of the Hopi and Lakota natives.. One christianity had warped to be scary but also true.. but the Giants who are waking up too is just strange with everything that's coming this year and more strongly in the next.. But back onto the scary thing.  heck, even when something externally happens or very obviously is from other powers just by how somebody acts or so on.  I'm going to take that a sign that time has fallen away and so on, that I'll literally be flying on the spot..  But would be sad thing if something inside this body wishes to deny such a thing even when it's before your eyes.. I guess which is why the law of attraction is going to be replaced.  Don't mind me here, I just realized something.. When a particular god had mentioned about new scrolls being opened..  I tie at least a portion of it to the replacing of that law.  Much likes laws on this planet.   Needs reviewing and tuning up.  Lol.

 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎6‎/‎11‎/‎2016 at 10:37 AM, AbsoluteWave said:



( I'll add to things and so on if I feel it's necessary! )
 

Please!

I can't wait!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎6‎/‎11‎/‎2016 at 10:37 AM, AbsoluteWave said:

I have a constant internal monologue going on in my head.. is that equivalent to having the conversation with your inner child/voice?  cause then I could say that I've had this since I was little as well.. god.. sounds like I'm bragging but I'm not making this up.. I've always tired to find ways to describe all that " weirdness" that goes on in my body/mind/spirit/soul, etc.. Such as the whole sensory thing with smells to memory, smells to colors, smells to emotion, and so many other sorts of things and interchangeably too!

When you have these monologues, do you see any pictures in your mind? almost like a photograph or tv screen? hologram? Let's say you're having a conversation with your boyfriend, do you see him? can you hear his voice?))

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now