Tessa Rae

Too scared to 'go for it'

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Hey all,

I'm getting to a place in my life where I feel like I am so close to reaching my dreams...

I have visions of living in an intentional community where I am accepted, and free to make art. Where I can learn how to farm and take care of animals.

I have been looking at communities for a while, but I am so scared to 'go for it...'

So much of my life has been spent being seen as not being good enough, and then being rejected... I think a part of me is so scared of having something that I want because I'm afraid of losing it. If I have been rejected my whole life, I am scared to do this thing that I want because I'm afraid of being rejected from them... and because it's what I want, I'm so scared of learning that what I want isn't meant to be mine... because it will hurt even more than being rejected from something I don't want (which still hurts).

Has anyone here experienced similar resistance? Of wanting something so bad... yet it's almost like you want it so bad that you don't deserve it?

It's like the episode Teal made about when nothing works to get better... I have two seperate parts of me that want things that are contradictory.

I'm afraid of going to a community and then having all my same emotional problems, and of being incompetent and not being able to work hard enough... 

How can I be a vibrational match to an intentional community? How can I feel like I would be wanted at such communities? How can I feel like it's a good thing that I want this sort of life?


Edited by Tessa Rae

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Hello Tessa, 

I don't see why you necessarily have to make a big jump into a community. Why not talk to some, get to know them, take some time to find one that feels right for you.

Have you tried to dig into your fears and find the specific worries you have and perhaps memories attached to them? Perhaps you are not the same person you were when those memories were stored. Perhaps you are better now and have less to fear.

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