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  • Latest Posts

    • What does alignment look like?
    • So sorry to hear you are having to go through all this now. I'm glad you are here and have Teal and her community to help. Your Mom is suffering too and is desperately trying to overcome feelings of failure and inadequacy at the loss of your brother and the collapse of her marriage. She blames you because you are all she has left and like most codependent victims she is terrified that it's really her own fault. Rather than a psychiatrist, a family counselor would be much more appropriate to your situation since they deal with dysfunctional relationships within the family. Everyone shares some responsibility but the parents were codependent before bringing you and your brother into the mix. A good grief counselor could be of great help as well and can often be found through either the church or Hospice in your community. The prime opportunity here is to focus on patterns of behavior and how each person in the family tends to blame someone else for the pain and suffering within the family. "Whose fault is it," becomes the primary concern instead of each of you accepting and addressing your own feelings and the behaviors that result. #Toemilyjune has a great blog in this forum about 365 days of What would someone who loves themselves do? and her journey with her family.  Look at the patterns in your family and see how they are unraveling due to the loss of your brother. Research codependency, there is lots of stuff out there as most of us in addiction therapy deal with it every day. Love your Mom and try to forgive her and understand why she thinks and feels the way she does. Love yourself and ask yourself, what would someone who loves themselves do? Beware of jumping into a relationship with someone who seems to be able to save you from all this as you're primed to remake any new relationship in the patterns of your current family relationships. Seek out healthier families and compare their patterns of relationships with your own. If you want to continue to discuss these issues with me feel free to respond here or message me here. There are also many Facebook pages of groups of Teal Tribe people who can help. Be Blessed, the universe loves you and wants you to be whole and healthy. have courage it's a rough ride but well worth it. Namaste
    • It means that you need to find alignment first before taking action. Taking action from a place of resistance will lead to more hardship vs success.    
    • Interesting, do you want to elaborate? Is it anything specifically you’re thinking of? Thanks 
    • Codependent Mom Codependent Daughter (How to Resolve) Hello, I am in a really bad place right now; I feel like every Teal's video I've watched for the past couple of years applies to me, from the lack of self-love and fear of people to codependency and resistance to committing to anything in my life. I am 22 years old; grew up (as I only recently realized) in a house with a narcissist (dad) and a codependent (mom). I will try to keep it short... I am the "good" child , who could always comply and do whatever was asked and needed. I am an extreme perfectionist and get myself "dissolved" in other people. I fear true connection and people in general. All my life I tried to be perfect; only 3 years ago started rediscovering my true self, and of course when I did, parents resisted, in every imaginable way. I also had a brother, he was the other "type" of a child in our "family" - the scape goat. He was never able to get love by being perfect; he just wasn't complying to my parent's standards in most of the ways. My brother committed suicide this summer. He was 16. It is a true tragedy for me. He was the only person who loved me. He was wonderful and talented. Extremely sweet and funny. My words can't describe how much I miss him. Right now im in the "transition" phase, as Teal says. The phase when you lost everything, became aware (at least to some degree) of who you may be and cannot eat the crap you've been fed your entire life anymore; on the other side of this hell I should probably be seeing a rainbow, but can't really get a glance at it yet.  It can be really dark here... No one is here for you to understand and accept. I am so lucky to have at least a couple of people who at least accept some aspects of me. Besides a ton of things I am struggling with right now, I have a really hard time keeping a relationship with my mom (haven't  talked to dad for some months since my brother passed away). Since she is a codependent and just recently divorced my dad (narcissist at his core), she possesses this idea that she is the GOOD one, and he is the BAD one, which couldn't be further from the truth. I get in fights with her every freaking day. She doesn't accept me. And I feel it from her every day, in her every word. Although she says she loves me, I don't f feel it. I blame her and my dad for the loss of brother to some degree, but of course don't express this stuff. When I get into arguments with her about how I feel and what I want and what is happening, I feel like I cannot express myself fully (even though I have been under emotional abuse my entire life I am having a very very hard time explaining what has ACTUALLY HAPPENED and what's "wrong" with her - I think this is because I don't even know what should be there instead of the hell I experienced). I just feel like I constantly owe her something; like I am never good enough; like she is lying; like she is playing (even though my entire like I believed my parents are the best and I am in such a good place). I feel like I have no energy to try to dig into my childhood and explain every detail to her. I just want Teal to come and show her the truth to be honest... I so relate to most of Teal's videos. Every time I watch a video on ANY "problem" or "disorder" I recognize myself and my parents. It's freeing and extremely scary at the same time. I want to just download this information to her brain, but don't know how to. I want her to feel my deepest pain, but on the other hand know she is so different and will never understand. She thinks that she's THE VICTIM. A part of me loves her, and a part of me hates her so freaking much. I am angry and hopeless, fearful and lost.  I am very sorry for such long paragraphs... I would never be able to write everything that has happened and express how I feel. My question: She now wants to get a psychiatrist to resolve our regular conflicts. I feel that it will never be resolved. I feel like if it's not Teal, no one will ever understand this dynamic. A part of me wants to establish some sort of connection with her and another part resists her like nothing I have ever resisted in my life. I want to just leave. But feel guilty and cannot differentiate now between the truth of her and the lies... Feel like I must do this now (resolve everything)... But I am not ready.  What do I do? Does anyone else has a narcissistic dad and a codependent mom? Would you guys recommend me to try to talk to a regular psychiatrist like she wants and bring myself together, trying to express my feeling in the best way I can? Or just leave? Or find a middle option, a compromise for both of my parts - the one who wants to be connected to her and the one who doesn't believe we will ever become even a bit compatible? I so appreciate any answer or response in advance... Teal and this community have been saving me for the past couple of years of my life. Love you all.  
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