Ask Yourself...

I often assume that I'm going to fail, and therefore disappoint, and therefore have to hear someone else say the demeaning things I say to myself far too often. I'm working through this pattern more and more though. Its rough, but I am indeed improving.

I assume that I'm not capable to do (and do well) things that I've never done, even something simple like driving. That stems from the fear of making mistakes and being singled out for my mistakes. I was a high achiever in school, effortlessly. So whenever I made a mistake in class, it was made to be a bigger deal because I'm "smart" and "smart" people aren't allowed to fuck up because you should know "better." I was told this in front of my entire class by the Dean of Students.

School ain't shit.

that my parents always talks about me behind my back and laying in front of me 

Projected Failure 

I assume people don’t care what I think or have to say.

The way people think of me is a reflection of who I am and my worth.

That I’ll never be able to find happiness and excitement in life. 

I assume that I don’t know enough (knowledge) to be good enough at anything therefore I am always in a state of feeling like a student. 

Can’t do or have it, I need that to be happy (ofcourse whenever it’s something  I dont possess like a particular inborn talent etc) 

That I’m too weak, incapable, can’t handle it, can’t do it, too small, too dumb, too traumatized 

I chronically assume I will be disappointed, that I will not get what I deeply desire, or if I do it will be ripped away or lost to me some how. I gave up even knowing what I wanted for a long time because of this, then I realized I don't know what I want or where my boundaries are due to this. Then I went on a mission to figure this out and now have found the reason I gave up on these ideas a long time ago. Fuck I need help with this one. 

That no one values me

that whatever i do won't make a difference anyway

that there is no way out of this

That I am never chosen 

That i’m not good enough and that everyone will find out and cast me out as worthless/useless or stupid.

That the universe is not on my side, that things won't work out the way I want.

That people misunderstand me, mistreat me, that I can't ever be understood in a soul-deep level.

Edited November 16, 20214 yr by April Park

That people won't understand me/will reject me

That I'm bad, others think I'm bad.

I automatically assume that everyone is out to get me.

My mother tried to kill me several times before a near-death event at 2 years old where I ended up in the hospital where I was turning blue with hair gel in my nose and suffocating to death. There is currently a court case with court-ordered monitoring which will persist until her death due to this.

God, Abrahm (The name Abraham told me), and Spirituality are the only things providing me perspective on Life.

Waiting on others

I assume I'll lose or it won't work out for me

You know what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of u and me. Because of expectation. expectations are just front loaded resentments. A anxious man lives in the future, a depressed man lives in the past and a man content in his existence lives in the current moment which is the only moment that ever exists. Everything else either has happened or could happen. But it is all decided by the here and now.

You are loved