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#51

What pain am I holding on to as a testament of my love for someone or something?

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From "100 Of The Most Powerful Questions You Can Ask Yourself"

Nothing has the power to completely alter perspective and therefore your thoughts and actions and life quite like a question. Inquiry leads to understanding. The quality of the answers we arrive at, correspond directly to the quality of question we ask. The better the question, the better the answer. One of the most important things to realize about a question is that a person learns far, far more from the process and work involved in answering a question than from the answer itself. This is why spiritual teachers throughout history (including myself) have tended to pose so many questions to their students rather than to simply offer a direct answer. For this reason, I have selected a collection of 100 of the most powerful questions that you can ask yourself.

Make sure to take time to carefully consider each question that is posed in order to meaningfully answer them. And don’t forget to come back to these questions again and again throughout your life, especially whenever you are feeling stuck, because the answers will most likely change over the course of your life and also cause you to change your course in life.

- Teal Swan


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I dunno....amm maybe I didnt't want to lose connection with this woman I really got on with and so I allowed myself to get destroyed for a year pretending I wasn't fully besotted by her..I let the trxts come with no boundaries..they would raise my hopes everything only to be reminded of the fact...we couldn't be together because she was with someone else...and didn't admit my real feelings to her until recently...because as soon as I wud it would change the dynamic of the relationship and it would risk loosing her....or loosing that connection which was important to me...

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Surprisingly enough, I have been holding on to pain for the love of music. During my childhood, all I had was music. Music was the only thing that I could count on when I was in pain. I made a strong bond with music through pain. There was nothing more gratifying than being in pain with music because there was no way out of that pain at that time so it was way better to be in it with music than to be in it alone. I instinctively relate music with the feeling of catharsis. I feel like I am going to lose that gratifying feeling I get when I listen to music when I'm in pain if I let go of that pain. I feel like I need pain in order to keep that strong bond with music. Music is all my life. I am afraid to lose that. Now that I'm aware of this, I want to talk to that part of me who's afraid of this to understand her better.

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 Right now im actually in the process of letting go of some pain as a testament of my love for my mental health lol. Im about to give y'all a good laugh cuz my little story is stupid as hell, but its the truth..so here we go.

So, I developed quite an infatuation for this writer that I really like. I started out just admiring her work/skill, and before I knew it that admiration spilled over into a MAJOR crush on her. These kind of crushes are normal, but the state of delusion that i've dipped into recently is not normal or healthy at all. I saw some pictures of the writer with her girlfriend today , and I FLIPPED OUT. I was just drenched in jealousy, and can y'all believe that I actually felt betrayed as if this writer was my gf in real life?!?! I don't even know her! Lol. My little meltdown was a clear message to me that i've kinda gone off the deep end here, so now im workin on it.

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I am holding on to the pain of leaving a home I loved. The pain of not allowing myself to access my own feelings and desires. The pain of not speaking my truth and putting my foot down for what I want. The pain of leaving someone I love. The pain of leaving somewhere I love and being asked to never return. All of this pain I am holding on to for the love of the people, places, or experiences. I now let go of this pain and allow myself to integrate the lessons of these experiences and remember the joy. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

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