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What pain from the past am I still holding on to that is holding me back today?

(Answer In The Comments Below )
From "100 Of The Most Powerful Questions You Can Ask Yourself"

Nothing has the power to completely alter perspective and therefore your thoughts and actions and life quite like a question. Inquiry leads to understanding. The quality of the answers we arrive at, correspond directly to the quality of question we ask. The better the question, the better the answer. One of the most important things to realize about a question is that a person learns far, far more from the process and work involved in answering a question than from the answer itself. This is why spiritual teachers throughout history (including myself) have tended to pose so many questions to their students rather than to simply offer a direct answer. For this reason, I have selected a collection of 100 of the most powerful questions that you can ask yourself.

Make sure to take time to carefully consider each question that is posed in order to meaningfully answer them. And don’t forget to come back to these questions again and again throughout your life, especially whenever you are feeling stuck, because the answers will most likely change over the course of your life and also cause you to change your course in life.

- Teal Swan

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The pain that I am holding onto is the fear of rejection of the love of my life. I've been waiting. I've been so patient with her. I've been trying to help her. I've been trying to appease to her every want, desire and need. But, only whenever I felt like I needed to feed into that very "happening". This hook that you speak of. I feel it tugging on me like I am a fish flopping out of water. Probably not the best analogy that I am using, while she isn't to blame for my pains and hurts that I have caused. Or things in life that have happened for me and not To me. I have learned further independence...however my soul binding contract by soul source says. I will spread the message of love regardless of hurts and pains. This fear of rejection or let me downs. Although I'm clearly feeling that pain right now because I'm not together with the love of my life. The utter pain and fear of rejection and abandonment is my ultimate burden that I'm holding onto. 

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Beeing scapegoated by my mother, and scapegoating myself.. 

Developing mental illnesses, in order to gain closeness and ensure the relationship between me and her and other people.

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